Words to Bloom by 🌸 “In the End, the Love You Give Yourself Becomes the Blueprint for the Love You Accept From Others”

How loving myself has become the filter for the love I allow into my life.

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I’ve been sitting with this idea for a while now:

It’s been a journey, but I’ve learned that the way I treat myself—the way I show up for my own heart, mind, and body—sets the standard for everything else. The way I love myself is not only a reflection of my worth, but a filter for what I will and won’t allow in my life.

When I take care of myself, when I honor my needs and my boundaries, I start to notice when love from others doesn’t match that energy. When I neglect myself, ignore my own needs, or let others step over my boundaries, I begin to let in love that doesn’t nourish me. The love I accept from others is often a direct result of the love I give to myself. And that, in itself, is an act of radical self-awareness and self-respect.

It Starts With How We Treat Ourselves

The way I speak to myself, the way I treat my own needs—it’s not just about feeling good in the moment. It's about a daily practice of honoring myself in a world that often wishes to erase folks like me. As a Black, queer, non-binary person, I’ve learned that I have to protect my own heart with intention. The love I give myself isn’t just about feeling better; it’s about survival. It’s about creating a space where I’m not only seen, but valued, starting with me.

When I pour kindness and patience into my own life, I’m able to recognize when others’ love doesn’t match that same energy. It’s a subtle but powerful awareness. I don’t need to chase or convince anyone to love me the way I deserve because the way I love myself speaks volumes. But when I neglect myself, when I allow my boundaries to slip, I find myself accepting less from others. And that’s when things begin to feel out of alignment.

Self-Love as a Filter

I used to think that self-love was about doing things that felt good in the moment—bubble baths, candles, a good book. And while those things are important, I’ve realized that loving myself is about much more than those feel-good moments. It's about how I honor my heart when no one else is watching, how I respect my own space, and how I say “no” when something doesn’t serve me.

Self-love, for me, has become a filter. It’s how I protect my energy. When I started showing myself the respect and care I deserve, I noticed a shift. I began to be more selective about the people I allow in my space and the kind of love I invite into my life. It’s not about blocking people out—it’s about choosing which energies align with my own.

What I’ve learned is that the love I accept from others is directly shaped by the love I give myself. When I’m grounded in my own worth, I refuse to settle for anything that doesn’t align with that. And the beauty of this is that it's not about attracting better love—it’s about having a filter that automatically removes what doesn’t fit.

Boundaries Are the Act of Love

One of the most powerful things I’ve learned in this journey is that boundaries are an act of love. Boundaries are a declaration to myself and to the world: I am worthy of respect, and I will not tolerate anything that makes me feel less than that.

When I set boundaries, I’m not just protecting myself; I’m showing the world how to love me. It’s not about being hard or unapproachable; it’s about making space for the love that nourishes me and rejecting what drains me. Setting boundaries with others is one of the most loving things I can do for myself—and when I respect my own boundaries, I create a filter for the kind of love I’ll accept.

I’ve realized that saying “no” to what doesn’t serve me is an affirmation of my own value. I’ve had to say no to relationships, situations, and even mindsets that didn’t respect me. And with each “no,” I’ve created room for a more authentic and fulfilling love that aligns with who I am, who I’m becoming, and what I deserve.

Being Selective About the Love I Accept

The love I allow into my life is no longer about settling for the easiest or the most convenient love—it’s about being discerning. It’s about knowing what I deserve and not compromising that for anyone or anything. I’ve learned to be more selective, and it’s been freeing. I know that the love I accept should reflect the love I give myself.

This process hasn’t been about cutting people off or building walls; it’s about creating a life that aligns with my heart. I’ve stopped accepting love that makes me feel unseen or unimportant, and I’ve started creating space for those who respect me, who value me, and who understand my boundaries. I’ve learned that love isn’t something to chase—it’s something I already have within myself. What I’m learning now is how to make sure the love I receive matches that energy.

What Love Are You Making Room For?

So I ask you, love—what kind of love are you making room for? What would shift in your life if you treated your own heart like something precious, something sacred? If you gave yourself the kind of care and respect you so freely offer others, what would change?

The love we accept is directly influenced by the love we give ourselves. When we honor our own worth, we begin to attract the kind of love that aligns with it. And when we begin to love ourselves with intention, we create a space where only the love that nourishes us can stay.

Your heart is sacred. Your boundaries are sacred. And the love you give yourself is the love you deserve from the world. When you make space for that kind of love in your life, you’ll start seeing the beauty and peace that comes from honoring yourself.

With love and a lil’ sparkle
Plant Kween ✨